The newest Transformers movie is a movie for your eyes, not your head. It's the epitome of what summer blockbusters are built up to be: Brain numbing, explosion riddled, incomprehensible clusterfucks. Wait a minute. That doesn't only describe Revenge of the Fallen, but every project Michael Bay puts his hands on. Here is a director that puts everything he can throw at you right up there on the screen. He holds nothing back. Sometimes it works (Bad Boys and The Rock), and other times it falls incredibly flat (cough... Pearl Harbor... cough... cough... Bad Boys II). It seems to me the only way he can be satisfied with himself is if he can one-up his former projects in terms of explosions and preposterousness.
Revenge is not a good film by any means, but somebody seriously tell me it isn't entertaining. There's just something surreal about subjecting your eyes to 200 million dollars of special effects jacked into 2 1/2 hours.
Transformers picks up with our hero Sam Witwicky, played again by Shia LaBeouf, as he prepares to move off to college. This causes his mother to ball her eyes out, his dad to celebrate, his yellow transforming Camaro to feel useless, and his uber hot girlfriend (Megan Fox) to pine for him. Fox is another example of how this film is only meant for your eyes. The outfits she sports and just the way her body moves would make even a porno pretty tame. This aspect of the movie may be slightly inappropriate for a younger audience... along with the dog humping, robotic pussy calling, and drug ingesting that occurs throughout the course of the film. All very much unnecessary but you have to fill the movie with something when you're in between your next metal mashing robot bashfest.
With Sam away to college, the evil Decepticons plan to take over the world by raising Megatron from a watery grave, and clearing the way for a robot known as "The Fallen" to claim earth for himself. In order to do this, the hero Transformer, Optimus Prime, must be put out of commission. Tear. Meanwhile, Sam starts seeing symbols in his head. This causes a mental breakdown in the middle of one of his classes in the best looking college in the world. You think he would be branded as a lunatic but that doesn't stop one sexy co-ed from trying to get in his pants at a frat party. Megan will be furious, but Prime would probably dig it.
Eventually the symbols lead him and his fellow Transformer buddies to the pyramids in Egypt, where they must stop an ancient weapon from being utilized by the Decepticons. This particular weapon has the power to destroy the sun, so obviously that would be bad. Okay, to say anything else about the plot would be impossible because a plot just isn't there. Yes, there's the makings of a plot, but c'mon... it's not really a plot. It's all smoke and mirrors and a macguffin for more robot destructing mayhem. When it all comes down to it, robot destructing mayhem is all an audience wants going into this film.
Some of the most impressive special effects are utilized, making your eyes go crossed and you're brain disintegrate into a pile of dust. If you involve yourself too much in the plot, you'll realize just how shallow this film is. It's not meant for you think about it. In fact, you brain is so under used for this film that upon seeing it, you'll only be able to use words like, "Crazdifulous," or "Hugetastic" to describe what just happened.
This is what summer blockbusters are there for. Revenge will entertain you, it won't provoke you. Leave those feelings for Awards Season. And after that, we may be referring to this film as "Academy Award winning 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Is it winning best picture? A robots chance in hell. It'll almost definitely take home a nod for visual effects however. Something Michael Bay will certainly rejoice in. Perhaps his only way for living is so people can marvel at all of the wonders created by people around him.
Score:
75/100
Your strong voice coupled with your expansive movie knowledge makes your writing not only informative, but entertaining, fresh and funny too. You should be doing this as a profession, Tim. Don't let your talent fall on deaf ears (or under read blogs...)
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