Hot Off the Presses

People love news. Whether it's good news, bad news, sad news, inspirational news, we all eat that shit up. Especially the bad news. Nothing is better than giving people a bleaker look at the world than we already have. There are droves  of bad things that happen every day. Just as well as there are multitudes of great things that happen every day. So why then is the bad stuff so much more prevalent than the good stuff? The answer is simple. It's the same reason people look off to the side of the road to see a car crash. We think, "Thank God that isn't me. Oh, it's my next door neighbor Bill? Ehh, he borrowed a socket wrench from me one afternoon and never returned it. The bastard. He deserved it." It may not go exactly like that in everybody's head. I mean, your next door neighbor might be named Fred, or even Gene. Hell, I once knew a person named Shitforbrains. An odd kid Shitforbrains was. 

So in a nutshell, bad news makes our day better when we know it didn't happen to us. Let's face it, God has to smite somebody every day, today thankfully was not your day so just relax and enjoy this bit of bad news that you're not apart of. 

Another thing about us is that every single person has the potential to be a CNN reporter. Let me explain. So you're sitting there listening to the radio, watching the TV, reading the paper, a blog, whatever... any form of media that breaks a news story. After hearing said story, we become mini-reporters by passing on these stories to our friends and family. "Hey,Bill, did you hear about the flock of starving, crazed chickens that devoured three children at the zoo today? Oh, you didn't? Well then it's a damn good thing I told you." After saying these words, we suddenly feel a sense of accomplishment. Because of us, that story will now spread to more people and before you know it, the entire world will know about the chickens blood lust.