Blocked? Where's the fiber?

Before becoming more active on this blog, I have slowly been conditioning myself to write down any kind of creative thought that enters my skull. If you've read any of these postings, you know all too well that these ideas are few and far between (pity party, please form a line to the left). Until these notes, I would sit at my laptop wanting so badly to jot something down. Each attempt would yield unfruitful results. The harder I tried to force my fingers on these keys, the harder it became to form a coherent thought. Looking back at some of the drafts during this time I found one titled, "World Travelers Beware" which only included the line, "Seeing the world is overrated." One sentence. One cynically driven sentence. Following that, blank space for the words that could have been but never were just sat there, eagerly anticipating the slightest black marking.

I wonder what I could have added to such a wonderfully developed thought? Even now, I don't know what drove me to try and write a blog with this underlying theme. Do I believe that seeing the world is overrated? Ehh, not really. Perhaps what I wanted to say would have addressed the fact that there are certain places in the world I wouldn't ever want to visit. (Kids! Get your bags packed, we're going to Mary, Turkmenistan!)

Writers block is a bitch. When somebody asks you a question, and you're not too sure how to answer it, what do you do? You come up with some BS kind of answer, of course! It may take a second to spew and spurt the BS out but you can take comfort in knowing that you said something. Writers block is like this, but you can't wiggle your way out of it. There are no life lines. No asking the audience. Naturally when this occurs in a written environment you will start writing your BS. If you can just conjure up something, then maybe, just maybe, you can turn that something in to a bigger something. Then you look down at your screen to find what you conjured up was along the lines of, "Seeing the world is overrated". Crap. Backspace, backspace, backspace.... blank slate.

This is when the bizarre, bat-shit insane ideas come out of the woodwork and an inner dialogue follows. For instance:

Hmm. Maybe I can write about a cactus.

Okay, develop that.

What about this cactus makes it special?

Hmm... special... special... Special K!

Okay, so this cactus enjoys eating cereal. Wait, why is the cactus eating cereal?

Because it likes cereal.

But cactus' don't eat cereal.

This one does.

So it must have facial features then, right?

Yes.

So if it has facial features this means it has eyes and if it has eyes then it can wear sunglasses.

Okay, so the cereal eating cactus is wearing a cool pair of aviators when... what?

What's going to happen to this cactus to make this story worth while?

Hmm. Maybe a bird lands on it?

What kind of bird?

It really doesn't matter, it can be any kind of bird, we can just say bird and people will understand.

So the bird lands on the cactus. Does it get hurt?

Yes.

Yes, it hurts itself and this upsets the cactus.

The cactus, being the hip cool Special K eating cactus that he is, would never dream of hurting a bird. Now we have a depressed cactus, what do we do with that?

Well he's gotta make amends to the bird somehow.

But how?

Well cactus' haves spines, right?

Duh- that's why the bird got hurt in the first place!

Well what if he offered to shave off his spines so that the bird would have a safe place to land?

This is assuming, naturally, that the cactus is capable of shaving.

Jesus, I don't even need to shave that often. This cactus really is special.

So he shaves off his spines to benefit the bird. What does he do with his spines?

I know! Let's have him make a bird nest out of his spines so that the bird also has a place to live to go along with a place to land.

Brilliant.

This means that the cactus took basket weaving classes at one point.

What? Birds don't take basket weaving courses.

Yes but they were born knowing how to make a nest out of grass and sticks and what have you.

Yes... but this is a cactus.

Oh, right.

Duh. Cactus' wouldn't have a clue unless they took the appropriate classes.

Glad we're in agreement. So the bird is happy and the cactus no longer feels guilty.

And they lived happily ever after?

I don't know, that's an awfully cliche way to end a story.

True.

How about, "It was at this moment that the cactus learned a lesson. Sometimes it takes more than sunglasses to make you cool. Sometimes it takes friends. And the bird... well he learned that sometimes you have to be careful where you land. Landing on a cactus can be risky, but through risks come great adventures. The end."

Love it.

BOOM! Talk about non-sequidor. What does that story have to do with anything? I suppose it shows the gory aftermath of particular cases of writers block. Did I have writers block before writing this, or did I plan it all? You're free to take a guess. A little piece of advice for all you writers out there. Your writing is never finished, it is only published. Best of luck.

Toy Story 3: Beyond Infinity and Back Again

When I first heard of a third Toy Story movie being in the works, I was admittedly a little skeptical. Sure, Pixar has had such a masterful track record in the past, so why should one worry? The studio that captured audience imaginations everywhere with the original Toy Story has never had a serious misstep. I've always felt that Cars and Ratatouille have garnered more of a niche following more so than its other works, but both were equally fantastic and inspired. But this was different. This was Toy Story... a film that when it came out in '95, instantly became a part of my storied childhood. I really didn't want to see the tarnishing of a film franchise with a "cash in" second sequel that played down to an audience. Now that I have seen one of the most anticipated animated movies in a decade, I can safely say that the brilliant minds at Pixar have done it again. The saga that is Toy Story continues to be held in high esteem.

I found it pretty shocking to realize that the first time we were introduced to Woody and Buzz, I was eight years old. I remember seeing it in the theaters and just knowing that it wasn't your standard run-of-the-mill animated flick. There was a certain magic and originality so evidently present that you couldn't help but take notice. Just as the original spoke directly to me as an eight year old, this third (and most likely final) chapter speaks just as much to me at 23.

Just as time has gone by for us, the clock has also been ticking for the characters we know and love. Andy is no longer the same person we see playing with his toys in the opening flashback minutes. Just like everyone else, he has grown up. Woody, Buzz, and others have been cast to the toy chest to collect dust. The bedroom, almost a character itself, has seen its array of changes. When Woody calls a staff meeting, only a few beloved toys are still around to hear what he has to say. Just as the posters and wall hangings begin to be stripped as Andy heads off to college, the toys have been stripped over the years as well.

As I just mentioned, Andy is heading off to college. As moms are prone to do, his forces him to make a decision about what to do with his old toys. A dilemma ensues as he has three choices: trash them, hide them away in the attic, or donate them to Sunnyside Daycare. Unable to permanently part with his toys, he banishes the majority to the attic, while also deciding to bring Woody to college with him. But, thanks to the fact that we still need a plot to fill 90 more minutes of film, the toys are mixed up and end up being given away to the daycare center by mistake. Not wanting to abandon his plastic counterparts, Woody follows suit.

At the daycare we meet Lotso (as in Lotso Hugging Bear). Just like a wal-mart greeter, Lotso is there to welcome the new batch of recruits and to show them the ropes. It's sort of like the toys going off to their own version of a nursing home. There are areas for relaxation and pampering, as well as a place for broken toys to be repaired. That's right, there are plenty of spare parts and batteries to go around. It all seems too good to be true, and for our heroes, it is. You see, they are being used as toddler fodder. Instead of getting the kids who play with their toys in a nice manner, they are thrown to the hyperbolic wolves, the wee ones that enjoy mashing their toys against a wall or pulling apart their arms and legs instead of hugging them. If this torture goes on any longer, Buzz and the gang will end up looking worse than the toys in Sid's yard, so they decide to make a break for it. We find that getting out isn't easy, and what they're going to do once they get out (now that they're orphans) remains up in the air. You'll just have to see it yourself to find out their exact fates.

Toy Story 3 is a tour de force of creative filmmaking. Nothing can match the originality and creativity of the first film, but this one comes damn close. The screenplay, written by Michael Arndt, is bulging with so much depth, humor, and emotion that, at certain moments, it pulls at our heartstrings. The film isn't afraid to get dark either, with one of the most spectacular looking action sequences taking place on the way to the incinerator.

There's so much to love here. The voice acting is top notch once again with the old cast of favorites returning, as well as notables like Michael Keaton as a Ken doll. The moments between Ken and Barbie are some of the funniest in the film. I also loved the little twist they pulled with Buzz lightyear, first restoring his factory setting, and then making him a spanish speaking space ranger. Also the Sunnyside jailbreak sequence contains some of the most clever and ingenious plotting placed in an animated flick. Oh yeah, and the ending made me tear up. Between this and Up, I might have even needed a tissue or two. The film isn't just about toys trying to find their home. It's about anybody that's ever felt lost, abandoned, or plain just forgotten about. I believe there are a lot of people who can connect with this message, which is why Toy Story is so good at appealing to a mass audience. The kids may come for the talking cowboy and space ranger dolls, but the adults will leave with the understanding of how important it is to love, and be loved in return.

Toy Story 3 is smart, it's funny, and it has got a huge heart. In a summer full of mediocre movies, Toy Story 3 stands out as a hugely entertaining and emotionally charged piece of filmmaking. It's also the best movie of the year.

Leave Your Bumper Stickers at the Door

Good people, there is a growing trend that I have been witnessing more and more on public roadways. Something so heinous it threatens the very fabric of safe driving everywhere. Something so distracting it's truly a marvel that all motorists aren't climbing out of ditches. It's something that makes me sick to my stomach. It induces shivers throughout my entire body. It's worse than all world wars, flu pandemics, human genocides, and christmas cards combined. I am speaking, of course, about the white decals peppering mini vans and SUV'S everywhere alerting the public to how many family members are in that particular drivers family.

Upon googling them under the precise phrase "white car decals with family members", I was redirected to www.familystickers.com. What I discovered here is not for the faint of heart. But before I go into that, let's discuss what the hell these are in the first place.

We have all seen them. On any given day, you'll find yourself engaged in a pleasant, peaceful drive. The sun is shining. You're humming your favorite song (mine would be something by The Wiggles). The gentle breeze rustles your hair (or scalp, for all you baldies out there). Then BAM! A minivan pulls in front of you flaunting these white decals on their rear window. These white decals account for each and every member of their family. There's one for mom, dad, and however many children they may have. There are even ones for pets. All right, hold on one minute. Why must people feel it necessary to show off how great their families are? Is it to sadden all of the motorists on the road that don't have families? Are they trying to make everyone else jealous?

"Ohh look at my family. I have not one, not two, but six children! This is proof that I can procreate (but not proof that you believe in protected sex). And my dog! Ohhh, look at my dog! His name is Ruffles. I bet you wish you had a dog this awesome. And my wife. Just check out the rack on my white stick figure wife! You wish you had a wife this stacked! And these kids. Oh, these kids! One's a soccer star and the other's allergic to peanuts!"

A few thoughts:

1) What happens if your family splits up? It must feel really painful having to pull mommies sticker off the family car when she decides to leave you for Samuel, the scoliosis prone balloon salesman.

2) When you cut people off on the road, do you really want those behind you to say things like, "That asshole! That's it. I'm following them home to kill one... two... three of their pet sparrows! Oh, and their two perfect looking children too!"?

3) Can anybody obtain these stickers or is there some kind of authentication process? Can I create my own fake family? I think I'll give myself a wife holding a bag of money, and two boys depicted as rich baseball stars. Drivers behind me will be so jealous.

4)Do you have to keep buying them to update your family? Susie's 26 now but on the back of your car she's still wearing curlers in her hair and drooling with a box of crayons in her mouth.

5) Morbid thought: If a family member passes on, does the company sell the red circles with the line going through it as well?

6) From a race standpoint: Where the black stickers at?

Here are some examples of what can be found on the website:

Oh, my God. When did the government start issuing drivers license's to turtles? I blame this on global warming. If we keep polluting the waters around us, more and more turtles will take to the road to drive gas guzzling cars with the mentality "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Somebody please contact the humane society. This dog is extremely malnourished. And its neck may be broken.

This family is really sporty and talented... except for the mother who's only good at folding her hands and standing on one leg (try it. it's actually very difficult) or their youngest, who's only good at shitting their pants (with years of training, she too may be able to master the ancient art of hand folding).

Well, folks. I could just go on and on with example after example. Here's the bottom line: I really don't like cars with these stickers. There are probably worse things on the road like texting or nail painting, but they don't bother me as much. I never would have thought that I would harbor such hostility for little white sticks on the back of glass. And if you're reading this and happen to have these on your cars... may God have mercy on your soul.

Dick Clark's Rockin New Years Eve

It appears this is my first posting in the year 2010. That's inexcusable. I'm blaming this on you, 2010. You must be an incredibly dull year so far for me not to write anything. Oh, how far we (as a society) have progressed since the year 2009. Still no flying cars. I hear-tell Toyota is in the process of pioneering this technology. Their premature ambitions have only yielded par results, however. The flying is still non-existent. But the automatic acceleration... now that's something they've gotten good at. Orville and Wilbur (not the popcorn man and the pig) would be proud... I think? (Note to self: develop television sitcom entitled Orville and the Pig)

2009, you wouldn't even recognize 2010. People gather in the masses now to view moving pictures in a place called a cinema. Sure, you had them back in '09 as well, but now everything is three dimensional. This means that pre-teen girls can feel three times as pathetic trying to make out with an emo-werewolf/vampire type thing. Is it just me or does anybody else think that in the future, scientists may discover that 3-D causes side effects such as eye sweats, pupil confusion, face displacement, or brain amplification? Note: People experiencing pupil dilation for more than four hours should consult an optometrist or else risk an onset case of Stevie Wonderfication. It should also be noted that the Twilight movies already cause all of these side effects, even without being 3-D. Oh, and cancer. Twilight causes cancer. Alert the authorities.

Another miracle product of 2010 is something known as an iPad. Sure, iPods existed in your day, but this is something completely revolutionary. It's 10 times as big as an iPod. And if you're a midget, they're 100 times bigger! Disclaimer: Not actual midget approximations.

Apple is also releasing a new iPhone. Sure, it's a lot like the old iPhone, but now it includes a video camera capable of connecting you face to face via a phone call! It also includes voice recognition software. Say a name of a contact and your phone calls that person. This is terrifying. Hear me out with this hypothetical:

You're dating a girl named, say, Jessica Hiddlepot. It's been a pretty long-term relationship but things are starting to get dicey. So, you end up cheating on Miss Hiddlepot. You're with your mistress, who knows of your infidelity, when her name comes up. "Oh, you're such a better kisser than Jessica Hiddlepot. She utilizes her teeth muscles way too much." Then boom! Your phone hears your voice, recognizes the name, and calls up the neglected girl. Not only does she have to hear you making out with a girl with less tooth muscles, she gets to see it! This can create all kinds of difficulties in your relationship, as you may have guessed, and the fact that Jessica has muscles in her teeth is just the beginning.

Technology is scary. And so is the year 2010. Time to go hide in my glow in the dark sleeping bag and re-play those nostalgic 2009 moments over and over again. Oh, and exercise my teeth. They're starting to atrophy.

AVATAR

Expectations for the much anticipated Avatar have gotten so great over the years, that many were beginning to doubt director James Cameron's ability to deliver on the hype. After all, it's a film that's been 14 years in the making. When the first trailer was released earlier this summer it looked as though those doubts might become a grim reality. Well Avatar has been out for over a week, and I can easily tell you that all of those doubts were completely unfounded. Cameron proves once again that he's a director that can deliver on the hype, and then take that hype and hump it into submission. Avatar is a stunning achievement. A visually mesmerizing piece of movie making that is the first "must-see" in years.

Set in the year 2154, Avatar tells the story of a legion of mercenary soldiers sent to a far off distant planet called Pandora. Their mission: obtain a highly sought after mineral called "unobtainium" (actually a scientific word, if you believe it). The only problem with unobtainium is that, it's (you've guessed it) very hard to obtain. The only thing standing in between humans and this mineral are the indigenous population of Pandora called Na'Vi. The Na'Vi are 10 foot tall blue humanoids with large ponytails and long tails who live in peace and harmony with their tropical habitat. They are also "very hard to kill".

Jake Sully, played by up and coming star Sam Worthington, is a paraplegic marine recruited to the distant planet to partake in their Avatar program. The atmosphere of Pandora is toxic to humans so the easiest way to travel is to essentially become a Na'Vi yourself through a process that involves linking your brain to the DNA of a homegrown alien shell. It's kind of like The Matrix where your body lies dormant in a tube while your Avatar body is allowed to go native all throughout this hostile environment.

Jake is taken under the wing of Col. Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang) and ordered to infiltrate the natives, gain their trust, and then convince them to vacate their home village so that the Military can harvest the sweet sweet unobtainium (I never tire from using that word). With the promise of having the use of his legs given back to him, Jake easily obliges. That is, until his life is saved by the Na'Vi princess Neytiri (Zoe Saldana) and everything he thought he knew and believed in now means jack shit.

Neytiri teaches Jake how to live in harmony with all of the beasties that live on Pandora. In doing this he starts to learn their customs, their beliefs, and even their language. Soon enough, a love story unfolds as Jake becomes to simultaneously fall in love with both Neytiri and the Na'Vi's way of life. The story is very familiar so as you've probably guessed by now there's a big battle between the humans and the natives that unfolds for most of the film's third act. It's a classic good vs. evil... man vs. nature kind of a tale. But the story is not what's on display here. It's the visuals.

In creating Pandora the makers have succeeded in creating a vast, beautiful, jaw dropping and unique planet with a million facets worth exploring. During the day time, the planet is loaded with animals that could have you for lunch, while at night, everything glows from some inherent bioluminescent quality. Every square inch of Pandora is truly a wonder to behold and you will find your eyes constantly scanning the screen to pick up new details along the way. It really is non-stop entertainment for your eye-balls. (I joked with a co-worker claiming that James Cameron totally Roman Polanski's your eyeballs. Think about it... Yup. I went there.)

Now as for the motion capture technology employed, its easily the best ever seen by an audience. This goes double for the emotions conveyed in the face of Jake's Avatar or in Neytiri herself. The believability in the CGI is absolutely remarkable. When I first saw, The Polar Express, I thought that they should shy away from that technology but after Avatar, I want to see others employ it with as much care as Cameron has. The Na'Vi are brought to life by this process and by the end of the movie you will wish that this world really existed, trust me.

Avatar does a great job creating characters that we care about and villains that we hate. We become absolutely invested in Jake's task to become one of the natives that we stop caring about human beings. Screw um... Na'Vi is where the real party is at. And honestly, if you don't fall in love with Neytiri, I don't even want to hear about it. Even though she's a 10 foot tall blue alien with a tail she's still an awesome character.... and sexy. (Let's face it everyone. She is.)

If none of this has yet attracted you, there's the final action sequence which is worth the price of admission itself. The final showdown between the humans and the inhabitants of Pandora is a kick in your face spectacle that ranks right up there with the final battle in Return of the Jedi. It's fantastic.

I absolutely loved this movie. There is so much to be taken in with each viewing. I loved Pandora. I loved all of the animals that inhabit it, in particularly the Banchee's. I love the relationship between Jake and Neytiri. I love the evil Stephen Lang's character exhibits. I love the Na'Vi. I love how Pandora looks at night. I love how the Na'Vi can essentially "plug in" to any form of life to create a symbiotic relationship. I love the folklore. I love... love.... love this film. Multiple viewings are definitely a must. The only way to see this movie for its true value is on the biggest screen possible. Waiting for the DVD is not acceptable in this case. Avatar will absolutely wow you. Enjoy.

Final Grade: 95/100 Fantastic

2012

Quick! Solve this equation: 2+2 = ?

If you answered correctly, you are already too smart for this movie. 2012 is an action overloaded disaster film about the ultimate disaster... the end of humankind as we know it! Although the end result is not a complete disaster in filmmaking, it will leave many theater-goers hoping for the end to have already come and gone.

If you hadn't yet heard, this film is a result of the hype surrounding the much debated end of the Mayan calendar, which runs out on Dec. 21, 2012. Some believe on that day all of earth's inhabitants will have a front row seat to the ultimate destruction show. The mythology surrounding an event of this magnitude is mildly interesting, but the science to back it up is mostly absent. Nevertheless, it's enough for disaster porn director Roland Emmerich to want to cash in his check and numb our brains.

2012 stars John Cusack as Jackson Curtis, a divorced dad and once published author. The book apparently didn't sell too well, because he has also become a limo driver. He also has to live with the fact that his wife's new boyfriend has made quite a comfortable life for himself. He's a successful plastic surgeon and has captured popularity from his inherited children. Oh yeah, when the movie calls for it, it turns out he's also a pilot.

One day, Jackson takes his two kids on a camping trip to Yellowstone. There, he meets nutty conspiracy theorist Charlie Frost, feverishly played by Woody Harrelson. Charlie, it seems, has been predicting the end of the world for a while now and is positive that the government is covering something up. At first, Jackson is quick to dismiss these allegations as pure BS, but as Charlie's predictions start to come true... well you can just assume from there.

The plot nearly chokes on itself to try and entertain an audience. There are one too many "plane takes off and just barely avoids catastrophe" moments. Just as there are way too many cheese factors, one such involving a Russian models ridiculous attempt at saving her pet pooch. When faced with near death, you won't believe what some people will do to save their animals. Also, Jackson runs into a client of his in LA... then again an airport in Vegas... then finally in China. I hardly see the same bank teller from week to week.

Ultimately, Jackson and his family make their way to China, where they have learned secret mega-boats have been built to save a fraction of earths inhabitants from going for the world record in treading water. Aboard the ships, Emmerich pulls out every cheap thrill in his arsenal. A massive wave crashes into the ship... but wait, somebody left the door open... well that's easily solved, just shut it. Oh wait... it won't shut. And hey, isn't that Mt. Everest we're about to crash in to?

Everything is just way too predictable and over the top for anyone to stay captivated by all of it. I really wanted the film to focus on a lot of things that were never addressed. Firstly, you can't feel attached to any of the characters involved, so when many of them are quickly wiped out it's like, who cares? Next! Secondly, I really think 2012 should have done more to explore the mythology and science behind this belief. We're given a brief video explanation by Woody's character but it's quickly thrown by the wayside to make way for more pointless mother nature homicide. Why is this happening? How does the alignment of the planets effect the tectonic plates causing all of these mega quakes? And why, if this is supposed to occur on Dec. 21st, doesn't it? The movie more or less dumbed down the 2012 belief as an excuse to just kill the world. No explanation needed.

Now on to some praise. This is an action film after all, so lets talk about special effects work. In a word, it's solid. Some scenes are really fun to watch, in particular the one showcasing John Cusack's limo trip to the airport. This is the first action scene to occur in the film, and it's never topped throughout the duration, which is definitely a big problem. It's also clear in this scene that the director just said "screw it. I just want to have fun killing off LA". Afterwards, there are just so many quake cracks and huge floods that one person can take. What would China look like flooded? Now how about Washington? Now New york? Emmerich just plugs in a different location every time and produces the same effects at each. Do we even care? Give us a story for crying out loud instead of a video game!

To sum it up, 2012 showcases some very impressive action scenes but suffers from a convoluted plot and a cheesy script. John Cusack and Woody Harrelson are fun to watch, and Danny Glover as the President is kind of interesting, but all other characters are dead to me. It will be interesting to see what Emmerich's next project will be. After this, there really is nothing left for him to destroy... unless it's all cinema as we know it.

Overall: 60/100 See it once and that should be enough.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

Leave it to Quentin Tarantino to re-write the history books. This is not your typical WWII Film. This is a mashing of multiple genres to create something new entirely. The end result is a picture that just feels perfect. "Perfect" is a word I hardly ever use to describe a movie. You probably have a better chance of hearing me speak fluent Spanish before entertaining such a word as it applies to film. And that's because a perfect film doesn't come along too often. But when it does, Bam! You feel it like it punched you right in the gut. That's what I felt walking out of the cinema.

Basterds is not the movie audiences are expecting. The trailers have been highly misleading, showcasing it to be a purely action driven movie about Brad Pitt and his team of Nazi slayers. There is so much more than that. The first thing that may come as a big surprise to audiences is that a little more than half of the movie is spoken in foreign languages. Since it takes place "Once upon a time in Nazi occupied France" as the title card suggests, the French characters speak French, the German characters speak German, and Brad Pitt's crew speak English... with maybe a few Italian phrases thrown in. The movie is very talky, so expect several long sequences in subtitles. Please don't let this sway you. The dialogue, penned by Tarantino, is some of his sharpest yet. Add on to that several wonderful performances by the foreign supporters. More on that later.

Something else that may surprise audiences is that the movie is Basterd free for about 45% of the film. Meaning that Brad Pitt still may be billed as the lead, but his screen time isn't what you would expect. Also not a bad thing. The stories told when the Basterds are out of the picture are vital to the story, suspenseful, and paced beautifully.

The film is separated into chapters, much the same as Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction. Each chapter serves as its own little movie, each containing build-ups and plot development that come to fruition in the final chapter. And let it be known, the final chapter is damn great. Damn damn great.

In the first chapter, we are introduced to Colonel Hans Landa played brilliantly by Christoph Waltz. He portrays his villain with charisma, charm, and the ability to turn on a dime and scare the hell out of you at a moments notice. If he doesn't get an Oscar nomination, i'll eat my hat... or somebody's dog... or all the members of the Academy. Which ever is easiest.

One word to describe the opening scene: Intense. The music, the performances, the cinematography, it's all beautiful. I don't want to spoil much for the movie, but i will tell you one thing. Play close attention to Colonel Landa. He is a character who is constantly seen smiling, and when there's not a smile on his face he is terrifying. He is given the name the Jew Hunter, a name he relishes in at first, yet rejects later. He is hands down one of the best villains of late. That's him below.

The next chapter introduces us to Pitt and the Basterds. Pitt plays Lieutenant Aldo Raine, a redneck with a Tennessee twang and an unexplained scare on his neck. He leads the Basterds to single handedly wipe out every single Nazi they come across, collecting their scalps in the meantime. The killings by the Basterds are pretty brutal, so expect some violent scenes that may have you crawling in your seat. Within the group is a Basterd nick-named The Bear Jew, played by Eli Roth. He sports a heavy Boston accent and wields a baseball bat. A weapon the Germans are well aware of, and if they're not, they soon will be.

Although Pitt isn't in the entire movie, his performance is far better than I expected. He brings a level of charm and humor to his character that doesn't appear at first glance. Most importantly, he looks like he's having the time of his life playing this role. He makes the movie fun. That's another thing about this film. It is laugh-out loud funny at all of the moments it wants to be. Even some of the violent parts are so brutal and stylish that the entire theatre was laughing.

The rest of the chapters ultimately have to do with setting up a movie premiere for Germany's newest propaganda film. The premiere becomes a big event, with most of the big brass for the Nazi's planning on attending, even the master chef himself -Adolf Hitler. There is a two fold plan in store for this night. The theaters owner, is a survivor of the terror unleashed by Colonel Hans Landa earlier in the film... he just doesn't know it... although one moment where the two enjoy strudel, suggests he does... just doesn't act on it. Why? We find out later. Her plan is to lock all of the doors to the venue once the movie has started and then burn it all to the ground.

On the other side, the Basterds get word of this premiere and they too plan to infiltrate it. This leads to Pitt donning a White Tuxedo and a new language that is one of the biggest must-see moments of the film. Everything about the climactic scene is fantastic. The entire movie has been building towards this moment, so Tarantino unleashes everything in his arsenal. The music, the intensity, the pure stylish show-off Tarantino moments, all find their way into the final scene and it's perfect. Absolutely perfect.

By the time Pitt utters the films last line, I hope you're as knocked over as I was. The last line is a message from Tarantino himself that's very self-indulgent but also extremely satisfying. This is his war movie. This is the movie he wanted to make. This is the ending he wanted, and we're all the better for it. This is a film that demands a second viewing because it's almost impossible to take away everything the movie has to offer. So many good performances, so many great scenes, such good writing, and pure Tarantino direction make it worth several repeat viewings. This is a film that will split audiences. Some will hate it. I just hope more love it the way I do.

Basterds runs a little over 2 1/2 hours but not one scene goes on too long. If anything, it feels too brief. There are so many possibilities and different directions it could have taken that it's easy to believe it could have been split into two films. When the credits role, you'll wish you had more time to spend with these characters. Each is intriguing in their own right, and each has a great story to be told. We're just damn lucky this story was told at all. It truly is Tour de Force filmmaking.

Overall: 100/100 Perfect. And rare.