2012

Quick! Solve this equation: 2+2 = ?

If you answered correctly, you are already too smart for this movie. 2012 is an action overloaded disaster film about the ultimate disaster... the end of humankind as we know it! Although the end result is not a complete disaster in filmmaking, it will leave many theater-goers hoping for the end to have already come and gone.

If you hadn't yet heard, this film is a result of the hype surrounding the much debated end of the Mayan calendar, which runs out on Dec. 21, 2012. Some believe on that day all of earth's inhabitants will have a front row seat to the ultimate destruction show. The mythology surrounding an event of this magnitude is mildly interesting, but the science to back it up is mostly absent. Nevertheless, it's enough for disaster porn director Roland Emmerich to want to cash in his check and numb our brains.

2012 stars John Cusack as Jackson Curtis, a divorced dad and once published author. The book apparently didn't sell too well, because he has also become a limo driver. He also has to live with the fact that his wife's new boyfriend has made quite a comfortable life for himself. He's a successful plastic surgeon and has captured popularity from his inherited children. Oh yeah, when the movie calls for it, it turns out he's also a pilot.

One day, Jackson takes his two kids on a camping trip to Yellowstone. There, he meets nutty conspiracy theorist Charlie Frost, feverishly played by Woody Harrelson. Charlie, it seems, has been predicting the end of the world for a while now and is positive that the government is covering something up. At first, Jackson is quick to dismiss these allegations as pure BS, but as Charlie's predictions start to come true... well you can just assume from there.

The plot nearly chokes on itself to try and entertain an audience. There are one too many "plane takes off and just barely avoids catastrophe" moments. Just as there are way too many cheese factors, one such involving a Russian models ridiculous attempt at saving her pet pooch. When faced with near death, you won't believe what some people will do to save their animals. Also, Jackson runs into a client of his in LA... then again an airport in Vegas... then finally in China. I hardly see the same bank teller from week to week.

Ultimately, Jackson and his family make their way to China, where they have learned secret mega-boats have been built to save a fraction of earths inhabitants from going for the world record in treading water. Aboard the ships, Emmerich pulls out every cheap thrill in his arsenal. A massive wave crashes into the ship... but wait, somebody left the door open... well that's easily solved, just shut it. Oh wait... it won't shut. And hey, isn't that Mt. Everest we're about to crash in to?

Everything is just way too predictable and over the top for anyone to stay captivated by all of it. I really wanted the film to focus on a lot of things that were never addressed. Firstly, you can't feel attached to any of the characters involved, so when many of them are quickly wiped out it's like, who cares? Next! Secondly, I really think 2012 should have done more to explore the mythology and science behind this belief. We're given a brief video explanation by Woody's character but it's quickly thrown by the wayside to make way for more pointless mother nature homicide. Why is this happening? How does the alignment of the planets effect the tectonic plates causing all of these mega quakes? And why, if this is supposed to occur on Dec. 21st, doesn't it? The movie more or less dumbed down the 2012 belief as an excuse to just kill the world. No explanation needed.

Now on to some praise. This is an action film after all, so lets talk about special effects work. In a word, it's solid. Some scenes are really fun to watch, in particular the one showcasing John Cusack's limo trip to the airport. This is the first action scene to occur in the film, and it's never topped throughout the duration, which is definitely a big problem. It's also clear in this scene that the director just said "screw it. I just want to have fun killing off LA". Afterwards, there are just so many quake cracks and huge floods that one person can take. What would China look like flooded? Now how about Washington? Now New york? Emmerich just plugs in a different location every time and produces the same effects at each. Do we even care? Give us a story for crying out loud instead of a video game!

To sum it up, 2012 showcases some very impressive action scenes but suffers from a convoluted plot and a cheesy script. John Cusack and Woody Harrelson are fun to watch, and Danny Glover as the President is kind of interesting, but all other characters are dead to me. It will be interesting to see what Emmerich's next project will be. After this, there really is nothing left for him to destroy... unless it's all cinema as we know it.

Overall: 60/100 See it once and that should be enough.